


The Cigarettes Remind Me of You

by TrashQueenOfficial



Category: The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Multi, kootraHD - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-01-25 23:06:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1665815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashQueenOfficial/pseuds/TrashQueenOfficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>KootraHD Jordan goes off with Sly & James to a convention leaving Aleks all alone to ponder his feelings and pick up bad habits. But where does it leave them after?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The quiet was kind of deafening, and quiet was something Aleks was no longer used too. Not since before the Creatures. He got so used to the shenanigans around the office. But Jordan went to accompany Sly and James on a small convention trip, Dan’s in editing mode and Seamus isn’t like that in the first place.  Why he even came to work in the first place he was confused about. Maybe it was to get away from Ein’s whimpering. Maybe it was because in his mind he was hoping Kootra hadn’t left and he could sneak in one last kiss in the office bathroom.

            He sat up, rubbing over his face with his hands. The Jordan situation wasn’t one he wanted to think about. He just couldn’t get it off of his damn mind. Aleks pulled out the little key in his pocket, unlocking a little drawer he kept there. It was full of his mother’s things. Little trinkets he kept from after she died, kept in his desk where James can’t find them. A small little hair pin she wore often, some pictures of them together back in Russia, and the brand of cigarettes she smoked. The Russian font stark white against the blue carton. Aleks found himself reaching for the package and a lighter.

            It wasn’t like he hadn’t smoked before, he has, only once or twice. And god it was years ago. Before he knew it he was inhaling smoke and staring out at the sky as the sun set. He mind floated to Jordan, who still couldn’t let go of Monica and was chasing her with all his might, when he wasn’t sneaking kisses and touches with Aleks. This was all becoming all so tiring. The worst part was that Monica was giving in, when that thought flitted across Aleks’ mind his heart hurt.

            No. Oh god no. He dragged the hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette though his hair, tugging on the ends. No. He loved him. Fucking shit he was in love with Jordan Mathewson. He heard the door shut behind him, and he turned abruptly to find Seamus staring at him.

            “Aleks?”

            “I love him. Oh god I can’t love him.” His breathing got ragged, and he could feel his eyes watering. Seamus’ face scrunched up in confusion.

            “Who? James?” The sarcasm was evident in Seamus’ voice and that made things worse. The tears that had been building up had spilled over onto Aleks’ cheeks as he took one last drag of his cigarette and put it out, blowing the smoke to the side.

            “Seamus, please.” The sound of Aleks’ voice brought out the inner kindness Seamus had, he moved closer to his friend in an attempt of comfort.

            “Aleks who is it, c’mon man calm down.” Aleks took a deep breath.

            “It’s Jordan. It’s fucking Jordan who I’ve been fooling around with for the last few months. чертовски дерьмо я так глупо!” He kicked the wall during his outburst, running his hands over his face.

            “Seamus I’m just going to go home early okay?” He didn’t wait for the okay. Aleks went up to his desk and got his shit before leaving, picking up a different carton of cigarettes on the way home, no longer wanting to use his mothers, those were sentimental.

            Aleksandr spent the rest of that week at home, they had plenty of footage to put out without him. They didn’t need him there filling up the office with the smell of cigarette smoke and the crushing air of anxiety. Seamus called a few times to check up on him, to make sure he was eating right and to remind him that he couldn’t stay home when the guys got back, which was today or technically yesterday. They have to record Treetopia and Factions then, before they run out of videos to put out.

            Aleks dragged himself out of bed, taking a shower and brushing his teeth, y’know, daily routine and all that jazz.  He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his phone, keys, and the carton of cigarettes that had pushed and shoved its way into his life before heading out to walk to the office. The air outside was cold as October faded into what would most definitely be a cold and crisp November. He lit a cigarette on the way there, putting it out in front of the office, remembering Sly’s hate for the things.

            Seamus was the first one to greet him, if a worried glance and a quick wave was a greeting that is. Sly was next, bounding over to him and giving him a tight hug.

            “I missed my little Ale-“ Sly crinkled his nose, “You smell like smoke.” Eddie took a step back, frowning at the carton in Aleks’ hoodie pocket.

            “Aleksandr-“

            “Save it Sly.” Aleks carried on to his office, where he was then stopped by James.

            “How was Ein? Was she any trouble?” Aleks smirked. James may be a jackass on camera, but he’s honestly not that bad in person. Aleks stepped into his office.

            “She was fine James. How was the convention?” He went about unloading his pockets and starting up his stuff as James talked on about the convention. He had honestly zoned out while James was talking, and hadn’t noticed Sly slip into his office.

            “Aleks can you please stop and explain?” Sly was holding up the red and white container he had just put on his desk.”

            “Old habit that resurfaced, just don’t bug me okay.” James smiled slightly as Sly frowned down at him.

            “Pissy much Aleksandr? Are you on your man period?” Leave it to James to crack a joke in a tense situation. Sly threw the cigarettes back onto Aleks’ desk and headed down the hall, hoping maybe Seamus could shed some light onto the situation. James was about to speak again when Dan’s voice had cut through the office.

            It was around two in the afternoon and they were in the middle of a second Treetopia session when Jordan said he had an announcement.

            “Monica and I have a date on Friday! I have a chance guys!” There was the general congrats, before Seamus cuts in, eyes on Aleks before flitting over to Jordan.

            “You sure there’s no one else out there for you Hoardan?” Seamus glanced between the two a few times, trying to give Hoardan a hint he didn't pick up on apparently.

            “I’m dern sure.”  Aleks got up, leaning down into the mic to make sure the fans could hear as well.

            “I’ll be back in ten.” He stood straight again and headed to his office grabbing a cigarette and his lighter before he headed downstairs. He was halfway done with the cancer stick and had been scrolling through his twitter feed when someone said something.

            “I hate smokers you know.” Jordan was leaning against the doorway.

            “Good thing Monica doesn’t smoke then right?” Aleks flicked the ash in his direction and blew the smoke out into the air. Jordan frowned, before knocking the offending vice out of Aleks’ hand and stomping it out on the pavement.


	2. Chapter 2

Aleks did not know how it happened, but in the next second Jordan had him up against one of the columns, holding his wrist above his head and was kissing at his neck. He should have stopped it then, he didn’t want to but he needed too.

            “Jordan please…we can’t do this anymore. Monica…”

            “What about her? The date isn’t until Friday; even so she still isn’t sure. I can have you till then right?” He wanted to say no. He needed to say no. Aleks ended up nodding instead. He hated to make this cliché but he was fucking hooked on Jordan, it was like the man’s a goddamned drug. He was a fucking crook, Jordan, he stole Aleks’ heart and he wasn’t even taking good care of it. It was bullshit. No, what was bullshit was the fact that he can never say no to the man. He was weak, so so weak.

            The sound of Seamus clearing his throat and tapping his foot on the pavement, eyebrow raised. Jordan quickly jumped away from Aleks, as if he had burned him. The Russian’s heart sank. Jordan fidgeted a bit, avoiding everyone’s eyes.

            “What about Monica?” Jordan rolled his eyes. Monica always came back up.

            “She’s not set in stone?”

            “Yeah and what about Aleks? How does he feel when Monica _is_ set in stone?”

            “It’s not like we have feelings for each other. We’re just fooling around.” They were getting loud, and now wasn’t the time for this.

            “How do you know he doesn’t feel for you Jordan? Have you even asked him?” Seamus sighed, not letting Kootra get another word in,” Go finish recording, wrap it up without me and Aleks alright.” Jordan glared, but stomped inside to do as the Irishman said.

            “Aleks you can’t let him play with you like that! Fuck why haven’t you told him?” Seamus tried to keep from yelling again, which wasn’t an easy feat at that current moment. Aleks took a deep breath, trying to find a legitimate reason. An answer that didn’t make him internally cringe.

            “Any form of a relationship with Jordan is better than pretending to be just friends. I’ll take what I’m offered.” The small, fake smile that flashed across Aleks’ face at that moment was the saddest thing Seamus had ever seen.

            The rest of the day moved slow, Dan and Sly were working out some bugs so that they could get in and record some factions before the day ended. They had finally got it set up and running. The water fortress was nearly built, Seamus and Aleks were fishing, and everything was calm.

           “Seamus this is a nice bonding experience.”

           “It sucks I can’t catch shit.”

            “It’s like father and son, or like daughter and mother. You’re nurturing me through a hard time.”

            “You can be the daughter.”

            “Okay. Wait, if I’m the daughter can I tell you about my boy problems?”

            “No. I got my own boy problems”

            “Oh my god mom you’ll never believe it. Henry cheated on me today mom.” The room was quiet as the guys listened in on Seamus and Aleks’ little role play.

            “You won’t believe it you’re him high school it happens.” Seamus rolled his eyes, sending a smile towards the Russian.

            “He is, he was really mean about it too.”

            “Oh he was?”

            “Yeah he called me the S word on Facebook.”

            “A slut?” Sly had chimed in from across the room.

            “A skank?” Seamus cut a look at Sly, people were laughing in the background.

            “Yeah.”

            “Eh.” Aleks’ tried to hide a giggle at Sly’s shrug of disinterest.

            “Well good he wasn’t wrong.” That one stung for some reason. Aleks was confused, why did he feel that way? Was he a slut for what he was doing with Jordan?

            “He wasn’t lying.” Sly’s add on just made him feel worse.

           “Mom I really need you in this time.”

           “Why do you think your dad left?” Aleks stood up that time, staring down at Seamus with a hurt and confused look on his face.

             “SEAMUS! Seamus!” Sly turned in his chair, an agitated edge to his voice.

             “We’re role playing fucking god. Why is it…” the Irishman’s voice trailed off when he noticed the look Aleks was giving him. He mumbled out a light apology before going back to his work. It was quiet from then on until Aleks asked Jordan if he wanted to go mining at that ravine he had found a while ago.

             He was tired by the end of the day. Aleks walked home alone most of the way, James had a movie date, with who god only knows. He had emptied out his little drawer of left over trinkets from his mother and putting them in a box. He was hoping they were safe at home, and that James had enough common courtesy not to step over the invisible line that was the subject of his birth parents. Somehow, somewhere along the way Jordan had caught up to him. The other man had the courage to reach out and grasp his hand, of course when he knew no one from the office would catch them. He was rubbing his thumb over the back of Aleks’ hand.

             “You don’t have feelings for me do you Aleks?” The Russian snorted, pushing away the little voice in his head that was urging him to spill everything.

             “Me? Have feelings for you? Don’t be ridiculous Jordan. Seamus was just shocked at what he saw.” Lying through his teeth had seemed like the best solution, he swallowed down the bitter taste and the lump of tears that had formed in his throat. The rest of the walk went by in comfortable silence.

           “Do you want to come inside?” They had reached Aleks and James’ little shared house. Jordan thought for a bit before shrugging.

           “Why the hell not.” The taller man stepped inside behind Aleks, shrugging off his hoodie and hanging it of the banister of the stairs before heading into the living room. Aleks had handed him the little box of trinkets to put on the coffee table and headed into the kitchen to make  popcorn.

           “Wanna watch a movie?”

          “Sure. Hey Aleks what is all this stuff.” The Russian peaked his head in the doorway.

         “Oh that’s just some stuff of my mom’s I brought from Russia when I was little.” When he joined Jordan on the couch he had a large bowl of popcorn in his lap and was putting on a movie. It was some marvel super hero movie, they honestly weren’t paying attention to it. Well Jordan wasn’t, he settled for kissing his was up Aleks’ neck up to his lips, starting a small kiss before pulling away and making a face.

         “You taste like cigarettes.”

          “So.”

          “That’s fucking gross and they’re dangerous, so you’re quitting.” Jordan grabbed the first carton he saw, which happened to be his mothers.

           “Jordan stop what the fuck dude.” Aleks intercepted Jordan on his way to the kitchen.

          “See you’re already dependent on them. You don’t want to end up like your mother do you?”

          “What the fuck does that mean?” His voice cracked as he raised it.

          “She smoked, you ended up here, it’s not hard to connect the dots Aleksandr.”

          “SHE WAS IN A TRAIN ACCIDENT YOU HEARTLESS FUCK! YOU DON’T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER!” He swiped the carton out of Jordan’s hands,” I’m not gonna sit back and let you talk shit about my mother. You can use me all you goddamned want but don’t you dare mention my parents and don’t fucking pretend to care about me. Get the fuck out asshole!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> small abuse warning, be wary if it is a trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Адстой = Bullshit   
> шлюха = whore  
> Ничего больше ничего чертовски меньше! = Nothing more nothing fucking less!

“Using you?” Jordan hesitated.

“Get out!” Aleks was turning red, frustration bringing tears to his eyes; he was hunched over, his body blocking Jordan’s entrance to the kitchen. He was pointing to the door, shaking.

“No.”

“What the fuck do you mean no get the fu-“ Jordan had taken a step forward and wrapped his arms around Aleks.

 “I mean I’m not leaving until you get that dumb ass illusion that I’m using you out of your head pretty boy.” No, that nickname was not going to work this time. Hell no. Aleks grabbed Jordan by the shoulders and shoved him away.

“Yeah, fucking hell you’re not. Адстой. I’m just the side bitch while you parade Monica about. I’m your шлюха. Ничегобольшеничегочертовскименьше” He was switching between languages and Jordan couldn’t keep up. He tried to take another step toward the Russian  but the younger man lashed out, and goddamn he was getting frustrated with this bullshit.

“You don’t understand shit Aleks! Don’t make it all about fucking you!”

“It’s never been about me! What about my god damned feelings? HOW DID YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING TO WORK!”

“YOUR FEELINGS DON’T MATTER OKAY!” Jordan regretted those words immediately, but kept spewing insults, as if he couldn’t stop himself. That’s when something in Aleks mind snapped and he tackled Jordan, knocking him through the doorway and into the coffee table. The older man swung his fist and knocked the Russian man off him, blood running out of his mouth. That’s when everything escalated, both men too angry to step down. Jordan got the upper hand then, wailing on Aleks. When James had walked in Jordan was straddling Aleks, poised for another hit.

“Jordan!” Throwing down his keys down he ran to Aleks aid, pulling the older man off his friend, “Jordan go home.”

“No I’m not-“

“Go. Home.” Jordan shot one last glare at Aleks and left. The Russian pulled himself to his feet, ignoring James offer of help and stomping up to his room, taking heavy ragged breaths and holding back tears.

Flopping down on his bed he tried to relax, he pulled his typical routines, music, counting backwards. It did fuck all. This was a stupid as fuck decision but he decided to back track through his history as far as he could remember, which was pretty damned far. He doesn’t know why he can go back so far. Maybe it was because he forced himself to remember for her sake. Her story didn’t deserve to be forgotten. He skipped over his infant and toddler years.

Four, he remembers playing in his room ignoring the yelling and shouting and smashing, as most typical four year olds do. Five, daddy hasn’t come home in a while. Mommy is scrubbing blood off the floor and starting dinner while we starts his homework. Six, the kids at school are questioning why he is so bruised up. The teachers notice too. When he comes home theirs makeup on the counter for him and his mother. Seven, Daddy got another job, and everything’s quiet again. Eight, Mommy catches Daddy with one of his friends, the yelling is back. Nine, he’s gotten used to the feel of makeup over the bruises on his face, he’s used to glass being thrown at him and the loud yelling and screaming and crying again. Ten, his father is gone, oh god his father is gone. Eleven, his mom makes a small birthday cake. She’s not there when he gets home from school the next day. It’s his entire fault.

Twelve, he lives in America now with a small Russian family, the Marchants are lovely people, but they don’t understand why he cries into his cake on his birthday. Thirteen, he makes his first friend. Fourteen, he has a large group of friends, and discovers YouTube. Fifteen, this year passes by in a blur of laughter and music and smoke. Sixteen, he starts making YouTube videos. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen, he visits Russia to say hello to his mother. Twenty, he joins the Creatures, Machinima notices him, things are looking up. Twenty-one, here he is, bleeding out on his bedding, crying over a man who just beat him into the hardwood. He’s fucked.  The stress just made him go outside and smoke away his thoughts, this habit was getting bad.

The next day he goes into work covered in bruises and Jordan won’t meet his eyes.  He skips out on a few minecraft sessions, holed up in his office huddled up in his hoodie. He doesn’t want to be around Jordan, not with his untreated bruises and scrapes.  He’s not scared, or at least he tells himself he isn’t.

 

“Hey Aleks, holy fuck are you okay?” It’s Seamus who treats him. Wiping away the small tears of pain and rubbing disinfectant on his knuckled and the scrapes on his back. The Irishman doesn’t ask questions as he bandages up his friend, just supplies comfort. He pats Aleks’ knee before heading back into the recording room. The Irishman is furious, dumping Jordan out of his chair.

“What in the ever living fuck did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why the fuck do I smell like Neosporin Jordan? Why is Aleks cowering in his damn office?” Seamus’ voice was steadily rising, he had let this go on for long enough, “ I swear Jordan if I see that boy-“

“Seamus please.” Aleks was in the doorway to the room, his eyes pleading with Seamus to stop.

“If you see what Seamus?” Eddies voice is steely when it cuts through the room like wire. He doesn’t like seeing his friends hurt, and he was seeing Aleks a fuck ton of hurt. Aleks shakes his head and Seamus glares at the floor. Jordan just feels all kinds of regret, seeing Aleks full of bruises and white bandages.

James was looking at Jordan, waiting for him to admit to his fault. Dan was just confused and left the room in order to avoid the tension. Seamus eventually just shook his head and pulled Aleks out of the doorway to his office. Leaving Jordan there with two friends giving him death glares. Seamus sat Aleks down in his chair.

“You need to give up on him.”

“I know.”

“Don’t argue on this I know you love him wait what?” Seamus was prepared for an argument, thank god, that wasn’t the case.

“I know. He has Monica. He doesn’t need me fucking shit up.”

“No Aleks, you don’t need him fucking with you like this. You’ve been a mess for weeks.” Seamus wasn’t about to let Aleks put himself down. Jordan was at fault here. Jordan dragged the Russian into this. Said man just shrugged.

“But seriously, thanks for the medical care Seamus.” Aleks shot his friend a small grin before leaving the office for his own. Getting over Jordan wouldn’t be possible if he stayed. He needed a complete cut off, no more contact with the addictive substance, which would be Jordan. So maybe it was his last day, maybe he would finish out the month. Yeah, the month sounded much better. It gives him time to prepare. To cut off ties.

He was prepping his mic to record when the door to his office was closed, cutting off the light that had been filtering in from the hallway.

“Aleks I’m so sorry I don’t know what happened you pushed me and I snapped. I’m so sorry.”:

“Jordan… I’m not forgiving you.”

“Aleksandr please? It was in the heat of the moment I regret it so much Aleks.”

“I’ve been pushed around enough Jordan! I’m not dealing with this!” Suddenly in the dark arms wrapped around him. He felt Jordan bury his face into his neck, taking deep heavy breaths.

“You have to understand! I can’t control myself around you!”

“So you beat the fuck out of me?”

“I said I was sorry! I blanked out! I only remember the first swing!” Aleks sighed, turning in Jordan’s arms. He’s not helping himself. Jordan was placing small kisses on his neck, begging for forgiveness.

“I’ll kiss them all better?” The older man started kissing over all over all of Aleks’ wounds.

“Oh shut up Kootz.” Aleks pulled Jordan in for a kiss,  the cruel manipulating bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Адстой = Bullshit   
> шлюха = whore  
> Ничего больше ничего чертовски меньше! = Nothing more nothing fucking less!


	4. Chapter 4

Jordan had gone home with him that night, quiet by his side as he smoked on the way home and with a tight grip on his hand. Aleks carefully unlocked the door, trying not to startle Ein too much. James was still at the office, trying to get in a few more hours of recording. They skipped the movie this time, heading straight up to the bedroom and settling for cuddles, Aleks clinging tight to the older man, while Jordan ran his hands through the younger's hair.

That was their routine for the week; Jordan had made himself a spot in Aleks bed, almost never in the small apartment he got after the falling out with his wife. Nevertheless, it was Friday night, and Aleks’ bed was empty. Jordan had his date with Monica that night. And Aleks had hopes that there wouldn’t be a second one. But he knew deep in his heart there would be. So he was out with Sly, getting drunk out of his mind at a bar. The alcohol had muddled his brain at this point and he was ranting at his best friend.

“…And when he’s around I can’t breathe. But he’s so hung up on Monica. Can’t he just make up his damn mind? Like fuck, am I just some toy to him?” His Puerto Rican friend slammed down his drink.

“GoddamnitAleks!” The man’s words slurred together, “You deserve better than that dude!” Sly now had him by the shoulders.

“I wouldn’t treat you like that homie!” Aleks laughed.

“Naw you’d be the perfect boyfriend Sly.”

“Damn right I would.” And with those words Eddie planted his lips onto Aleks’, pulling the Russian close and crushing their drunken bodies together.

The rest of that night had passed in a blur, but when he woke up the next day he was huddled close to Eddie’s naked body. His mind was chaos, as if a plain had gone down in his mind. He had slept with his best friend. Eddie had fucked him oh god no. He quickly slid out of the bed, feeling like he would vomit. It was nearly one in the afternoon; they needed to be on creature talk in an hour. Aleks shook Sly awake.

“Eddie?” His friend slowly opened his eyes, then cringed at the sticky mess they both were.

“Oh my god Aleks I’m so sorry. I don’t even swing that way what happened?” Aleks released the deep breath he had been holding. Everything was fine, it would most likely be insanely awkward but he wouldn’t have to break Sly’s heart. Thank god.

“You must have been really drunk man. Hey can I borrow some clothes? We gotta get to the office in like an hour and I don’t have time to stop by my place.” Eddie nodded, tossing the boy some clothing. After Aleks had showered and dressed he went down stairs to smoke, giving Eddie privacy for his shower. The clothes were a size too big and it was very obvious they were Eddie’s, due to the fact the Puerto Rican had given him his favorite shirt. Eddie appeared downstairs and made a face.

“Now my clothes will smell like smoke!” Aleks put out his cigarette and walked with Eddie to his car.

“I’ll wash ‘em. Now get in the car loser.” Eddie gave Aleks a playful shove before getting in the car.

They got into the office building with five minutes to spare. They rushed up to the Creature's office space and into the stream room, Aleks collapsing into his chair out of breath. Sly crashed down into the chair next to Aleks’ and puts a hand on his shoulder, smiling.

“Remind me to never go drinking with you again bro.” Aleks frowns at Eddie.

“Shut up you had fun dude.” Eddie laughed.

“Yeah, _fun._ ” Sly wiggled his eyebrows and Aleks laughed before pushing the hand off his shoulder. The Russian glanced over at Jordan and became painfully aware of the glare being sent their way. The leader of their group was very jealous. Jealous of the hickeys marring Aleks’ pale skin, jealous of the fact that Aleks was wearing Sly’s clothes. He was jealous that _his_ Aleks was with another. But Aleks wasn’t really his was he? With the constant yanking between the Russian and Monica, Jordan was surprised he wasn’t all alone.

“Hey Sly we don’t really need you today. I think it’ll be fine with just me, Seamus, James, and Aleks.” Sly shrugged.

“You woke me up early for nothing dude!” Sly punched Aleks lightly on the shoulder, “I’ll see you guys later.” And with that the Latino man left to go record for his channel. Seamus was leaning over the table, whispering to Aleks about something. The Russian blushed and pushed Seamus away from him.

Jordan got Aleks alone after Creature talk, cornering him in his office. The Russian was unsuspecting, and frankly very confused when Jordan came into his office and ripped the chair away from his desk. The older man was leaning over him with a deep frown on his face.

“So what was that?” Jordan had a cold tone in his voice, his mind flashing back to earlier that day.

“What was what?” Aleks took off his headset, leaning his forehead on Jordan’s chest. He just wanted to be close to the other man.

“The thing with Sly! You’re wearing his clothes! And I know damn well I didn’t put those hickies on your fucking neck.” Jordan pulled away from Aleks’, not wanting to be too close to the Russian at the moment, he didn’t want to hurt him again.

“Jordan calm down alright. It was a drunken one-night thing-“

“And that makes it so much better?” Aleks rubbed at his forehead.

“I don’t want to hear this Jor. You were with Monica. I wasn’t gonna just sit in the house idly waiting for you.” Jordan saw the look that flashed over Aleks face when he mentioned Monica. It was one of sharp pain, as if the younger was being stabbed.

“Aleks tell me the truth. Do you love me?” Jordan wanted the answer to be yes. Cause god damn it he was starting to feel things for the Russian that he shouldn’t. To be honest this whole fling started because he had gotten to close to the Russian. Because he felt the inkling of the spark that had left him and Monica long ago. Aleks sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, biting on his lip.

“No Jordan. No I don’t.” The lie was blatant. Cold and stinging on Aleks’ tongue flowing down into his stomach. And Jordan saw through that lie. You would have to be a fool not too.

“Alright.” Jordan slept in Aleks’ bed for at least a month after that.


	5. You Had Your Way...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter guys! Thank you so much for reading!

It was during Creature Talk when the news had been delivered. Jordan was smiling and Dan was all excited for a sudden announcement. So when the time had come Jordan stood up.

“So guys I know that Monica and I had gotten into some trouble a few months ago, but I would like to announce that we are not getting a divorce. She will be accompanying us to RTX this year.” Dan and James clapped. Sly was gripping Aleks’ hand under the table, Seamus sending him sympathetic looks as his heart squeezed like a vice in my chest. Thank god he was prepared for this, after all he knew this was how it would play out. He wouldn’t get the guy. Aleks cleared his throat, and the table turned towards him.

“Now’s as good a time as any I guess. I am so sorry guys,” He looked toward the chat and at his co-workers,” But I have to resign.” You could hear a pin drop in the room. The chat had gone insane. Jordan felt as if the air had been knocked out of him. Aleks couldn’t leave. What the _fuck_ was he thinking with Monica? He needed Aleks. He couldn’t say anything now, he had already seemed so excited about his wife.

“My adoptive mother is very sick and needs me there, and she lives back in Russia. The guys don’t need another long-distance member in the group. I promise I will still upload when I can.” The lies dripped out of his mouth smoothly, “  I will finish out the month, but I will not be at RTX. Again I am so sorry.” Aleks was giving up. He had fought for Jordan, but he can’t force the man to love him. So he is leaving, and maybe he can kick away his love for Jordan fucking Mathewson.

It was Seamus who came up to him after the stream was finished. The smaller man had his hands in tight fist at his side, and his eyes were tearing.

“You’re leaving because of him aren’t you?” Aleks nodded.

“You are a selfish cunt you know that.” Seamus took a step toward him, “ What about Sly? What about me? I can’t lose another close friend.” Aleks stepped closer to the shorter man and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You’re not losing me Seamus okay? There’s always Skype and I’ll try to visit. It’s not permanent. Just until I get rid of my feelings. Then I’ll be back in the U.S.” Seamus just nodded, and Aleks released him from the hug.

He went home after that, he had packing to start. Shipping everything to Russia was going to take a while. He was going to ship his desk, and posters tomorrow. Aleks honestly wasn’t taking much. The bed and dresser in his room would be staying. Furniture could be bought in Russia. The only other thing he would be taking would be computers and consoles, his books from the bookshelves, pictures and any games he actually bought non digitally. His clothes would just go in suitcases. He would be moving in with a close friend, everything was settled. So why was he sitting on the floor in his room crying over Jordan? He gave up, so why the fuck is it hurting him so much?

It was around one in the morning when someone had rung his doorbell, it was James’ turn to stream that night, so it had just been him in the house. Aleks was exhausted, he had only finished packing a few minutes ago. So when he opened the door he was barefoot, shirtless, and had a cigarette in hand.  He wasn’t expecting a teary-eyed Jordan to be standing before him.

“Why.” It was a quiet mumble tumbling out of Aleks’ lips around a drag of his cigarette.

“You’re leaving.” Aleks sighed and stepped to the side, letting Jordan into the apartment.

“Why aren’t you at home with Monica.”

“I told her I wanted to wait to move back, until the lease on my apartment ends, at the end of the month.” The older man was staring at the boxes in the top corner of the stairwell. Almost like he believed that if he glared at them long enough they would leave. The pair was thrust into an uncomfortable silence. Aleks was putting out his cigarette in the ashtray in the kitchen when the quiet was killed.

“Please don’t leave me.” The words were quiet, and Jordan’s voice had cracked in the middle of the sentence. Aleks was frozen. Why now. Why not before when he was breaking at the seams because he wanted Jordan to tell him not to leave?

“You’re ridiculous. You chose Monica over me, you let me fall apart. I’ve been a mess for months and now when I’m leaving you I’m important?” He had crossed back into the living room, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck and leaning his forehead into the others, “Shame on you Jordan.” The older man placed a kiss onto Aleks’ lips. It wasn’t like the others they had shared, it was full of love instead of lust.

The kiss led both men upstairs, tripping as they shed clothing. Jordan was being as gentle as he could, trying to convince Aleks to stay with kisses and light touches. But when he woke up in the morning the bed was empty. And the boxes in the hallway were gone. The suitcases that filled the corner of the room were nowhere to be found. Looking to the side Jordan found a bright blue post-it note stuck to Aleks dresser.

_Thank you for last night. I had to leave earlier than expected, and I’m sorry for that. In a way I’m not though, sort of like a taste of your own medicine thing. I love you Jordan. Take care of yourself for me._

_~Aleksandr._

Jordan crumpled the note in his fist, tears blurring his vision. He had finally gotten Aleks to admit it, and he couldn’t even say it back. Aleks couldn’t stay after that night. He knew Jordan would sucker him into staying long before the month ended, and he needed to get away. He needed to let Jordan be happy with his wife.

The months following Aleks’ departure were hard on Jordan. He would wander into what used to be the Russian’s office expecting him to be there, only to be gutted by the emptiness of it. He was staying with James now, Monica was frustrated with the fact he never slept at home. He had been sleeping in Aleks’ bed, specifically the Russian’s side of the bed, as if he was keeping it ready for when the younger man came home. He had gained a particularly destructive habit when the Russian left. He was always texting the Russian. No matter how many times Sly or Seamus came to tell him to stop. It started the day Aleks left really, he couldn’t leave the Russian hanging.

_I love you too._

_How’s Russia? I miss you._

_The fans ask about you a lot. They want  to know how you are._

_Ein misses you, chef misses you, the guys miss you. I miss you._

_Monica hates me again, I don’t go home anymore._

_I still go into your old office sometimes, I guess I can’t get over you._

_I sleep in your old bed at James’ place, the sheets don’t smell like you anymore._

_You should know I’m dern sure not gonna listen to Sly or Seamus about this._

_Monica found the messages._

_Things are going sour over here._

_We got divorced._

_I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I love you so much. Please come home I miss you so much please please please. I love you I love you I love you…_

Jordan ended up almost buying a plane ticket to Russia when Aleks responded to him.

**_You’re keeping me up at night you know. Don’t worry Jor, I’m visiting soon._ **

_No, stay._

            A week later he found himself at the airport with James picking up Aleks. They hadn’t seen each other in two years and honestly Jordan’s heart was ready to beat out of his chest. He was looking at the floor when thin arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m home Jordan.” He turned to pull the other man into a deep hug, breathing in the smell of menthol cigarettes and and Pepsi.

“Please stay?” He was on the verge of sobbing on the Russian. Jordan was peppering kisses along the paler man’s neck, making it to the edge of his lips, planting a small kiss there as the other smirked.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Aleks pulled Jordan into a small kiss, fuck giving up, he had gotten the guy anyway. And he was never going to let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> Any language other than English I went to google translate for, I apologize if I butchered your language.  
> The Russian: чертовски дерьмо я так глупо = Fucking shit I'm so stupid.


End file.
